My clients often tell me they would like to be more confident. Imagine you are my client. Like I ask the person in front of me wanting to have greater self-esteem, I am asking you. “What do you like about yourself?” …
Following a toe-curling silence (go on reader, relax your toes!) I then rescue them from their discomfort by telling them they are not alone- most of my clients feel the same. However, I bet you could give me a list as long as your arm about the stuff you don’t like about yourself!
It is impossible to be confident if we are not self-aware. Self-awareness isn’t just about knowing what we do to annoy others or where we need to grow, self-awareness is facing the truth about the good others see in us and hopefully we can see in ourselves. There is a world of difference between self-awareness and self-belief. Will Murray- founder of strengths profiling tool, Packtypes told me that self-belief can often be misguided (think X-Factor cringe performance after proud parent enthusing on VT beforehand) whereas self-awareness is a deep knowledge of our strengths and areas for development.
Throughout the tapestry of my work with clients, runs a golden thread called EVIDENCE! When we seek evidence from reviewing past performances or through feedback from others, we develop a far greater sense of self and therefore our confidence builds.
For a long time 360 Degree Feedback has been commonplace and this is wonderful if you can access it, but as entrepreneurs and solopreneurs this isn’t always easy. So, what can you do to build a greater sense of self awareness and therefore confidence?
- Looking back at your past performances for evidence that you performed well & evidence of areas for development helps build self-awareness. When you leave a high value meeting or presentation try the three R technique-
Review: A short summary of what you did well.
Repeat: What you did that worked and made a difference
Refine: What would you like to adapt a little to make it even better next time.
- Ask clients and colleagues for feedback – I’m always asking people for feedback… it’s a bit like childbirth – painful but it’s worth it!
- Develop a growth-mindset. Carole Dweck is an incredible author on the subject, recognise that failure is a part of our learning.
- Keep a journal of what you do well each day to get into the habit of noticing your strengths. This is not a gratitude journal but your PAL for life…want to know more? Go to https://www.guruyoucoach.com/your-pal-for-life/ to find out how!
- Download a list of strengths and tick the ones you have displayed in the last 12 months. Remember to look for the evidence and note down HOW you showed these strengths.
True confidence comes from self-awareness not an empty idea of self-belief. To have faith in how far we can go, we need to know what we are capable of and how far we have come.
Those toe-curling moments become so rewarding when I see the recognition in a client’s face as they see themselves in a new, more positive light and then feel more empowered to bounce forward without getting in their own way.
I would love to hear about your strengths and own reflections, please do go to the Woman Who Community page to share your thoughts or visit my website and have a wonderful time celebrating your strengths!
Rebecca Mander, Founder of GuruYou